Relationships, Love, And Such Stuff

It’s weird how relationships can shape your life.I’m single again, after nearly six months of being with my first proper boyfriend.Half of me is relieved (he’s moving to Leeds so I would have had to deal with the whole long distance thing); half of me is confused, sad, and empty; a further quarter of me is a little angry; and another third of me doesn’t know how to count.[All those halves and quarters and thirds, reminiscent of an American I met who tried to convince me that she wasn’t American, but half Irish, a quarter Polish, a third Scottish, and two fifths Indian.]Are Nine Inch Nails right? Is love not enough? Or was it even love? How do we ever know if what we are feeling is love? How will we ever know if love does exist? This sounds like a bunch of teenage angst. But hey, I’m still a teenager, and will be for at least another year.What I wanted most was to be happy, and I guess I am. But I also feel disillusioned.Love is really all we have to give to people, and sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it. Because in the end, people can’t help but be selfish. Think about it, even when you are in a relationship, you think you are being selfless by doing things that make your partner happy, but really you’re doing it because making them happy makes you happy. Couldn’t that be considered selfish? At least it’s not a bad kind of selfish because no one is left feeling bad, but still.Surely love should surpass selfishness. So I guess what we felt for each other wasn’t love. That doesn’t mean I can’t be sad about it though. I must be sending of rebound vibes! I have been in London for less than a week and three random guys have given me their numbers. It’s kind of funny, kind of sweet, ego-boosting, but at the same time it makes me feel like a shop.Maybe I should write “open” on my forehead. It would be funny. It wouldn’t really go with my look though.End of another chapter in a girl’s life. La la la.